There lack of communication it is often the biggest obstacle to a healthy relationship and a fulfilling sex life. Something apparently obvious, but on which there is still a lot of resistance from couples.
This assumption is also confirmed by the recent study conducted by We-Vibeon the occasion of the launch of the vibrator for couples Chorus: coaching sessions with well-known therapists were offered to 25 couples, including Italian participants. To evaluate the result, each participant filled out a questionnaire before and after the experience. The results? We expose them below.
The most common problems? Lack of time and sex
Even though most couples started coaching already feeling good about their relationship (29% of participants described it as very happy and 65% as mostly happy), there was still room for improvement.
When asked about the most common problems in one’s relationship, the lack of time for each other (27%), little or no sex (22%) and the lack of closeness (13%) were the most popular responses.
Yet 9 out of 10 participants already felt they had good communication with their partner and talked about these issues regularly. The coaching revealed that there were still topics that needed to be addressed in order to improve the relationship. Participants learned new ways of communicating and as a result more than 70% talked about issues that had never been addressed before.
Only one participating couple said they could have improved or solved these problems without the help of a sex therapist.
Communication is the key to good sex
A recent international study conducted by We-Vibe showed that only 45% of respondents felt comfortable communicating their sexual preferences to their partner, with 28% who, however, claim to express themselves only partially and to keep some preferences for themselves (and 6.8% who said they were too embarrassed to do so).
In Italy only 33% of respondents feel comfortable talking about masturbation with their partner for example, while 47% say they never talk about it and 21.7% talk about it more willingly with friends.
The expert’s comment
We had a chat with the doctor Nicola Macchione, urologist, who took part in the study as sex coach.
Communication is therefore the basis of a good couple relationship, it seems …
«Too often we realize that what couples lack for a healthy and peaceful sex life is there communication. The absence of a serene and clear dialogue leads to a frustrated and often unhealthy sexuality. “Listening” and “understanding” the needs and pleasure of others is the basis of a sexual and emotional relationship and unfortunately these two verbs seem increasingly “faded” in relational life. Discovering the desires and fantasies of others leads to always opening up new scenarios in the couple and revives the sexual desire continuously, keeping the passion alive. When all this fails (for whatever reason) it is there that the first break of an apparently stable equilibrium creeps in.
To date, studies tell us that communication is the basis of a healthy and healthy sexuality; and not only the ordinary everyday one, but also the “sexual” one and closely linked to pleasure. It would seem that talk about it you even help to reach orgasm much easier for the two or more partners in the game: seeing is believing!
Too often I see couples who don’t talk to each other, or worse still don’t listen to each other. Sex coaching can help couples in difficulty to reach new equilibrium and rediscover the dormant passion. Talking, telling, whispering are the rules at the basis of human relationships, even the purely sexual ones; pretending that all this is of no use is just an illusion! The reality is quite different ».
What are the most frightening topics to be addressed as a couple?
“During the period of our study I had the opportunity to meet several couples, each with their own problems, their own experiences and their own sexual history. In the approach to dialogue with the couple and in starting the path with them, I had to take “measures” every time to prevent the participants in sex coaching from withdrawing into themselves, thus hiding the real problems in the couple’s sexuality.
Among the most difficult topics to introduce and which somehow put the couple on the defensive was the element “Novelty in the bedroom”; or the fear of having to “Renew something”, “Reinvent” and not having the tools to do so, sometimes linked to insecurity, sometimes by placing non-existent age limits “.
How to approach the other when, for example, we have to talk to him about our fantasies?
«Talking about oneself is always difficult, and paradoxically speaking about oneself to the person closest to you is even more difficult; especially if you have to confide your innermost fantasies to him. All this because we are children of a culture that has always demonized sex and its many nuances. A culture that has dichotomized “sex” and “love”, making them live as two distinct and separate things. Overcoming cultural limits is not easy, but slowly, with small gestures, words and the right tone, communicating our sexual desires can no longer be a difficult task. Often we will receive no, sometimes yes, but being surprised is priceless ».
Is sex all in a couple?
«Sex is not everything in a couple, but the healthy sex life of a couple determines the ordinary course of the relationship. Living your sexual relationship satisfactorily reduces moments of tension and stress in the couple with a clear improvement in think positive “.
How much are sex toys accepted by couples today? How scary is their “intrusion” into the relationship? Because?
“In recent years, thanks to the” sexpositive “communication of the media and social networks (and the recent pandemic that has led us to reinvent our sexuality in some way), sex toys are objects that are no longer so unknown to couples, and” positioned “Out of the terrible eighties sex shops with darkened windows, they seem to have even greater appeal.
In spite of this, there is no shortage of people who are reluctant to use pleasure toys; and the justification for this refusal seems to lie in the fact that sex toys are seen as a “partner’s substitute”, a sort of “more gifted and better lover”. Fortunately this is not the case, it is now commonly accepted that sex toys are nothing more than a “game” which opens up new perspectives and can intensify pleasure as well as being an element of novelty ».
How is going to therapy together today, beyond the experiment carried out?
«The word therapy brings with it the fact of having a” disease “, or a” problem “to be treated, which is why going to therapy is often experienced very badly. Never as in this case does the use of the right and appropriate terms help; in fact the famous “couple therapy” has been rebranded into “sex coaching” ».
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Source: Vanity Fair
