Starting a conversation with a stranger can be easy for some and difficult for others – but there is a good chance that both groups will doubt whether they managed the conversation well. Research from Harvard University found that people actually underestimate the first impression they make.
Over almost ten years of research with participants from the United States and the United Kingdom, the authors concluded that people underestimate how much others like them and that this early affirmation has impacts on daily life and the development of relationships over time.
The search
After a conversation between participants and strangers, the study authors asked how much they liked the interlocutor and how much they thought they had pleased them.
Participants ended conversations with negative and biased feelings about themselves. In other words, people systematically underestimate how much others like them, an illusion that Harvard calls the “likability gap” – pessimistic beliefs about the impression we leave on others.
According to the study, people who worked together for six months continued to demonstrate “likability gap” thoughts, which involved asking less for help from colleagues, being unwilling to provide sincere feedback and/or being less willing to work on another project.
Negative thoughts can also appear before the conversation even begins, especially when the other person is of a different race, age and/or culture (or just has a different vision within the company), making the possibility of a first contact even more difficult.
The likability gap is also influenced by a person's biases (conscious or unconscious), and can act as a barrier to more diverse connections and more inclusive workplaces.
Conclusion
Harvard research suggests that there are no simple answers to changing this behavior, but there are some ways to train thinking.
Whether in a relaxed or more formal conversation, a starting point is to change the focus of attention, that is, to be truly curious about the interlocutor, because the more you are focused on them, the less you will pay attention to negative thoughts.
“Say 'hello' to the colleague you've been avoiding or sign up for that networking event and try to shift your attention to your conversation partner instead of yourself,” says the study published in the Harvard Business Review. “And remember, people probably like you more than you think.”
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I’m Robert Neff, a professional writer and editor. I specialize in the entertainment section, providing up-to-date coverage on the latest developments in film, television and music. My work has been featured on World Stock Market and other prominent publications.
