So young, so mothers

This article is published in number 22/23 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until June 7, 2002

Giulia she found out she was pregnant because her mother asked her why she had stopped asking for pads for some time. She had 16 years and a boyfriend with whom she was (and continues to be) very much in love, Francesco. “That afternoon my mother had already made an appointment for me at the gynecologist, she imagined everything, I didn’t. In front of that doctor I discovered I had a tiny dot in my belly “. The line of Giulia’s face is defined by her long black hair, in her eyes and in her smile, her barely twenty years of age are rediscovered today. It is in the movement of her hands that her being her mother comes out with arrogance. Giulia never had any doubts about her pregnancy, she knew that she would have given birth to that baby, even though everyone around her told her it would be a mistake. “We have never used precautions during intercourse. The only ones who wanted it from the beginning were always Francesco and I. Even if we didn’t know anything about how our life was going to change. ” After communicating to their families the choice to become parents, they took a period just for them and isolated themselves for a few days.

Those that were precious nine months for Giulia, which when she remembers make her discover the dimples on her cheeks and lower her eyes as if to look at her belly that is no longer there, in practice alternated with interminable quarrels between the two families. As in a perfect love drama a la Romeo and Juliet with a bitter ending. In the delivery room, next to Giulia, was her mother. She was close to her, she recorded her granddaughter’s first cry in a video, it was she who cut her umbilical cord while Francesco, future father, was out waiting. But that moment of rediscovered family was not enough to rebalance relations. «The culmination of the discussions, almost always related to my history with Francesco, came the day when my mother kicked me out of the house along with my two-month-old baby. We were followed by social services and after a week I entered here, at Mother’s House ». She arrived there on the recommendation of the Juvenile Court, in a neighborhood far from the Rome she knew, almost central, far from her whole life before her. A small villa not far from Piazza Bologna, furnished with images of Monet and Picasso on the walls. Colored with a harmony that she knows of stability, full of objects, drawings made by the hand of the children who grew up here with their mothers, memories. A large house, which over time (and a lot of care and determination) becomes a family. He repeats it Lucia Di Mauro, which he has put in here, including training courses for “his” girls, psychological assistance, toy rooms and moments of sharing, much of his life. She has worked at the House since 1990 and became director five years ago, today she welcomes six mothers with their children. “I was just over 20 years old. She was a volunteer who told me about it, opening my gaze to a world I never imagined: family homes, mothers of the same age without the protection of their parents, motherhood so linked to suffering, unloved children. For me it was unthinkable and I decided to do my part “. A choice that for Lucia has become an overwhelming passion and which led her to ensure that this place remains a reference point for motherhood in Rome. “Both in the tailor’s shop and in the B&B – a social enterprise started precisely to give the young mothers guests the opportunity to grow and have a real preparation in the world of work – girls and young women who have spent a piece of life here continue to work with we. We also have the son of one of them, now an adult man, who collaborates with us ».

But to reach a point of balance between the anger and fear that young mothers often experience when they enter the Mother’s House it takes time. A path that lasts from six months to three years on average. “In the beginning it was hard for me,” continues Giulia, while she checks on the phone how much time her son Flavio is from school. “I wasn’t used to having to respect rules. I had always been able to do everything I wanted since I was a child. The first year I spent a lot of time in the room with my baby, with us there was always the reference operator who helped me in everything. I was breastfeeding Flavio and we never left, it was a moment only ours“. Giulia did not want to go back to school and as soon as the opportunity came she started working. “I would have used the class schedule to hang around like I used to and I preferred to learn a trade.” Today Giulia, four years after her first day inside the house, is the manager of the B&B.

In its years of activity, the Casa della Mamma has welcomed more than 500 very young girls with their children, acting as a guide for the new mother in acquiring self-awareness and their responsibilities. Those that frightened Silvia, who got pregnant at 13. “I didn’t want to grow up so suddenly and for a moment I thought about terminating the pregnancy but then I didn’t. Partly because I was already over the months and partly because I didn’t feel like it “. Today Silvia is 18 years old and she is not afraid of her when she says that she entered the house because «I didn’t take care of my little girl. I had returned to school after giving birth and when I met my classmates, I felt a strong desire to return like them, free. So I started going out, going to the disco, not coming home at night. I left Eleonora with my parents and I was almost never there for her ». The social workers told her that if she had continued like this she would have risked losing her little girl and listening to those direct and concrete words, Silvia has grown up. And she was afraid. «As soon as I entered I struggled for a long time with a part of me that wanted to stay small and the other that already felt like Eleonora’s mother, who is now 5 years old. Staying here helped me a lot also from a psychological point of view, it took me almost a year to create a real relationship with Eleonora ».

As we speak we approach together with Silvia and Giulia the school that both their children attend. Silvia explains to us that today she will not be able to take her child to the park because she has to go home to study law. For her, there are only a few weeks left for the final exams, then she will start practicing at the B & B, flanked by Giulia who will take care of training her. Right after that she will start university, possibly Educational Sciences. “I no longer have a relationship with the child’s father, for Eleonora a very important figure is her grandparents and we are fine like this”. When Eleonora comes out of school she runs like a bolt to hug her mother. She has a fuchsia rubber band in her hair, which Silvia fixes her making her a nice onion. Flavio instead wants to stay in her arms for a while and Giulia hugs him tightly to her. They walk towards the park, then they will go to the apartment where Giulia lives with another mother. They are almost ready to start life outside and are following the path of semi autonomy. We go back to Mother’s House with Silvia and Eleonora. “We have a bunk bed in our room. Ele lies down and asks me for the songs, only she chooses them », Silvia smiles, squeezing her eyes to hide her embarrassment. “And then I find myself singing Fra Martino Campanaro.” Eleonora hides behind a bicycle and suddenly comes out with a jump and a tiny flower between her fingers. “Mom, do we put it in the water when we get to our house?”

Baby mothers: the figures in Italy

According to the latest Istat data, mothers under 22 registered in 2019 are 14,000, of which 1,089 aged within 17 years. With a percentage of 14.5 in both Campania and Lombardy, and that reaches 15.9 per cent in Sicily, according to data from the Accompaniment Service for Adolescent Parenthood, active within the Neuropsychiatry of Asst Santi Paolo e Carlo from Milan. Since the beginning of 2022, the Service has already welcomed 35 girls (minimum age 14) noting a minimum age of fathers of 13 years.

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