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Many women have always suspected this and some studies seem to confirm it: even men can cyclically manifest it symptoms similar to those of “premenstrual syndrome”. The phenomenon, called Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) is the result of numerous researches conducted over several years, which involved biologists, andrologists and psychologists.
The research biologist coined the definition Gerald Lincoln, while he was struggling with some studies for the development of a new male contraceptive. Lincoln sought to lower testosterone levels in some male mammal specimens to prevent pregnancy in female specimens. The experiments did not give positive results, on the other hand Lincoln found an atypical phenomenon that he called precisely Irritable Male Syndrome and who described how “a behavioral state of nervousness, irritability, lethargy and depression that occurs in adult male mammals after the lowering of testosterone levels “. Obviously, Lincoln could not have confirmed the extension of the phenomenon to humans, although he suspected it.
To confirm this, however, in more recent years, Jed Diamondpsychotherapist and author of the book The Irritable Male Syndromein which he illustrates symptoms and scientific reasons attesting to the presence of a hormonal cyclical phase in men, which would affect mood and energy, exactly as occurs during female PMS.
“Men undergo hormonal changes throughout their lives, just like women”explains Diamond. “Although I started by studying hormonal changes in middle-aged men, I found that hormones such as testosterone can fluctuate every hour, every day, with the seasons and with age “he specifies.
According to Diamond, the IMS would therefore consist of a state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration and anger associated with some biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, the level of stress. “The word ‘hormonal’ has always been associated with women. The notion that it can be associated with men seems like a joke. But this is the truth, science says: men have hormonal cycles as well as women. Testosterone levels, for example, are high in the morning and lower at night “.
To confirm this are the men themselves: according to what emerged from a survey conducted by the British site Vouchercloud.com26% of the 2,412 men interviewed would be somehow convinced that they suffer, every month, from symptoms similar to those of the female cycle and more precisely of: irritability (56%), fatigue (51%), increased appetite ( 47%), hypersensitivity (43%), upset (43%).
But is it possible to manage and, in some way, limit the mood swings and irritability characteristic of this monthly phenomenon, especially if it is mostly the serenity and understanding of the couple that pays for it?
In his book What make love last? How to Built Trust and Avoid Betrayal (What makes love last? How to build trust and avoid betrayal), John Gottman, one of the leading experts in couple relationships, suggests the six strategies that anyone (man or woman) can implement to manage moodiness and irritability within a relationship. Take a cue!
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Fabio Formaggio / EyeEm
More sensitivity
Pay attention to the words and expressions used, to avoid making the other person feel “cornered” or forced to defend themselves. In affirmations, replace “you” with “I”. A phrase like: “You’re always late! You just can’t be on time?”, becomes: “When you are late for an evening, I get angry! ‘ In fact, statements with “I” reflect only the feelings and experience of the speaker, without including criticism of the other person. The “you”, on the other hand, often has an accusatory and judgmental tone.
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More tolerance
We often fall into the “trap” that leads us to think that we are on the side of reason, putting the other on the side of the wrong. But absolutely distinguishing between what is right and what is wrong is not so automatic! Rather, there are two people with two different points of view on things and at least 400 different ways in which to perceive the motivations of others! Remember that the other person’s point of view is as valid as yours. Tolerance and respect are the keys to reducing confrontations.
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Frank Herholdt
Turn criticism into wishes
Within a discussion it is much more common to express what we don’t want rather than what we want. You risk giving a speech a negative twist, saying: “Every time we go to a party you let yourself go a little too much, ending up looking stupid. Stop acting like …. ». While one might actually ask directly, “I know you’re having a great time, but I’m starting to feel a little tired. Would you mind taking me home a little earlier? ‘
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Understanding, without problem solving
What everyone wants, most of the time, is simply to be heard and understood. Often, however, we fall into the mistake of trying to reassure or solve a problem, instead of generating empathy and understanding.
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JGI / Jamie Grill
Listening without feeling threatened
When you care about the well-being of the people you love, it can happen that in the face of their anger or unhappiness, you feel immediately responsible. As a result, you become defensive rather than listening to their feelings. The secret is to “Listen with an open heart,” but when someone appears shocked, it often feels as if one has been attacked or judged. And therefore, you automatically get on the defensive in an attempt to explain, justify and express your version. Instead, you need to: be quiet, breathe deeply and, sometimes, take a break so you can listen without self-defense.
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PhotoAlto / Frederic Cirou
Develop empathy
To be truly empathetic with others, you need to set aside your own feelings and needs, tuning in to those of the other person. Which is not easy: we often tend to be focused on ourselves, especially when we are under stress. It can also be painful to tune into another person’s feelings when they are unhappy. In short: empathy is not easy, but it is the “heart” of what makes us human. Developing and using this gift to speak with compassion and listen with an open heart will make everyone happier.
Source: Vanity Fair